March 1, 2003
More Poetry, by Chaney
Something Weird, by Larry King & Hitler
people often write me in e-mails, "who the heck do you think you are?"
Only they don't say "heck," they say a bad word that I don't care
to repeat because I don't like how civilization has a taken a negative turn
in the last few decades. Well, okay, they say "hell" instead of heck.
I'm so sorry you had to read that word. "F*ck off, you dipsh*t," is
what I usually type back. I then sue them for libel and slander and stalk them
until I'm arrested again and my parole is revoked.
to the question, what I think I am is a hack poet. I'm the worst poet who has
ever lived. You longtime members know what I'm talking about. Chaney urged me
to write more poetry in the following manner:
Violets are blue,
A newsletter without poems,
Is like macaroni necklaces without glue.
So I will.
(Send complaints care of Chaney.)
Is a pile of goo
Blood and skin
Like me and you.
Veggies and meats.
On his income taxes
I suspect he cheats.
"Come what may,
The restraining order
Is on it's way."
Not the sharp rocks!
Hit reply to e-mail
I Don't Live In Florida
Jon's doing standup, and I don't live there.
Why doesn't he come visit over here.
I don't live in Florida or anywhere near.
I'm not in a state he would travel to I fear.
I don't even live on the same coast line!
I guess I'll just sit in my state and whine.
Maybe someday I could leave the state.
My parole officer says I'm doing great.
Quit my job at McD's and move to Miami,
Perhaps I will take my Grammy.
by Larry King & Hitler
So I'm collecting Jon quotes.
And I come across this brief transcript of Jon's great Hitler / Larry King piece
in his book. I haven't read it in quite some time, and I'm surprised and alarmed
to find the following exchange:
ANNIE (caller): First of
all, Larry, I just want to say, I love your show.
Larry King: Thank you.
ANNIE: My husband was recently
diagnosed with shingles, and your show is the only one that takes away the itching.
KING: Well, wonderful, Annie!
Thank you. What's your question for Hitler?
ANNIE: Yes. I want to know
what Mr. Hitler thinks of cloning?
Weird, eh? Just thought