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 Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
    A n   u n o f f i c i a l   f a n   c l u b

We're fighting, apparently, with one of
Xena's web sites. It's a huge battle.

— Jon Stewart on the JSEB




January 11, 2003




It's Us. Remember Us?
TDS Fourth Anniversary Celebration Quotes


It's Us. Remember Us?

"Look out. I'm back, baby." -- Jon Stewart, New York Now, Dec 13, 1998

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, dude, I could really go for a sandwich right now.  If you're a longtime member, you're also thinking, oh my god!  Annie actually sent out a NEWSLETTER!  And if you're a newer member, you're thinking, whaaaa?  Noo - noos - let - ter?  What is this newsletter thing that you speak of?

Well, we're a fan club, damn it, and we're going to act like it.  So sit up straight, tuck in your shirt, and if you're not wearing a shirt to tuck or pants into which you can tuck said shirt, then please don't tell me about it or send me pictures ... unless you're hot ... and then you better make absolutely sure that you really are hot -- your mother telling you that you look lovely every morning for the first seventeen years of your life doesn't count, especially if she licked her fingers and rubbed dirt off your face while she was saying that.

Congratulations to TDS!  Today is the fourth anniversary of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  To celebrate, I have enclosed as many funny TDS-related Jon quotes I could find from 1998 and 1999, plus a few newer ones from the show itself.  Giggle, chuckle, and enjoy.

If anyone is interested in what happened with the birthday thing, well, nothing happened with the birthday thing. We have no confirmation that Jon ever received anything we sent him, but even if he did, I did urge him not to feel obligated to respond. It was, perhaps, a mistake to send him so many naked pictures of myself, but I really thought he'd like pictures of me because my mother always said I was lovely. Oh well. It has been my experience that too much beauty can frighten men, and I'm sure that's what happened here. If I had a nickel for every man that I've ever frightened, I'd be an obscenely rich woman. At any rate, I hope Jon had a great 40th birthday.

Annie, President
Hit reply to e-mail Annie


TDS Fourth Anniversary Celebration Quotes

"I signed up for what? I thought I was just ordering cable." On signing with Comedy Central, Chicago Tribune, Aug 12, 1998

"I can't tell you how many times, after a show, I'll cradle Vance in my arms, and he'll just open up to me, and sometimes weep. Vance was a Marine you know." The Daily Show webcast, Dec 1999

"It's tough for me, because usually I like to write my jokes on my foreskin," he says. "Without having that there, it makes it difficult." On how being Jewish has affected his comedy, U of Delaware Review, Sept 1999

"I believe television is a vast wasteland, and all I want to do is be part of it."  The Vancouver Sun, October 2, 1999

"They are an incredibly talented bunch, and to pick one would only leave me open to ridicule and numerous office beatings." On his favorite Daily Show correspondent, Comedy Central chat, July 21, 1999

"They wanted me to look more cleaned up....but on weekends, I pretend it's longer, plus with all the clippings I'm making a hair monkey." On why he cut his hair, Comedy Central chat, July 21, 1999

"My enormous respect for the show, my incredible amount of free time, and the need for food money." On why he took the Daily Show job, Comedy Central chat, July 21, 1999

"I'd actually like to see it going further down the dial. I want it to be past Spanish television. If we can go past Univision on the channel list, we're really going to make something out of this show. You know C-SPAN? It's very popular. I want to be on the next channel after C-SPAN, in case people overshoot and miss. Then they'll see me."  On the The Daily Show, Chicago Sun-Times, June 20, 1999

"I'll be fired from this job eventually. People seem to have a four-month tolerance of me."  On taking over The Daily Show, The Record, June 20, 1999

"I had the feeling when I got here like I was the extremely heavy guy in the gym. Everybody else was doing Tae Bo, and I was the guy smoking by the Stairmaster." On taking over The Daily Show, Atlanta Constitution, May 6, 1999

"Over the last year, before I took on the show, I was on Larry Sanders and writing the book, so I didn't get to do it at all. Every waking moment was taken up with either Sanders or the book. Or my muffin shop." On doing standup shortly before taking over The Daily Show, Atlanta Constitution, May 6, 1999

"The best thing in the world for me would be for Bill and Monica to get engaged and then for O.J. to go to the wedding and disrupt it. But I'm very confident the world will provide me with enough chaos. It never seems to let you down for long." On material for The Daily Show, The Dallas Morning News, Jan 10, 1999

"I've been to talk-show camp this summer. It's a place in upstate New York run by Dick Cavett."  On preparing for The Daily Show, Columbus Dispatch, Jan 10, 1999

"I hope, maybe at some point, to not only have celebrity guests, but also newsmakers or someone relative to a story -- like having a dry cleaner on when we're talking about Monica Lewinsky." Richmond Times Dispatch, Jan 9, 1999

"Don't worry about local news. If it's really bad, you'll hear the sirens. There will be time to get to the bunker." On watching The Daily Show instead of local news, The Commercial Appeal, Jan 9, 1999

"I find the news, for me, I watch it like a program. I can't wait to find out what's happening with my favorite characters. Like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry they dropped Saddam Hussein from the show. Oh, they're bringing him back!'" The Charleston Gazette, Jan 9, 1999

"I will probably be drunk for the first month." On taking over The Daily Show, Dec 25, 1998

"As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy." Indianapolis Star, Dec 16, 1998

"As our world spirals into chaos, I've missed the ability to comment on it every day." On being a television host again, New York Now, Dec 13, 1998

"That list is very short -- once Pat Sajak went back to Wheel of Fortune, it really left only me." On being considered a good replacement host, Time Out New York, Dec 10, 1998

"At least I don't have any major problems, like whenever something bad happens, I take off my pants." On bad habits, Time Out New York, Dec 10, 1998

"They're shrinking the [TDS] decor, because Craig is, like, 6'8" and I'm officially listed as 28 inches tall.  I can't reach the light switches or controls." People, Nov 23, 1998

"Stephen Colbert?! Stephen Colbert doesn't even know how to read! You didn't know that? He's not even from this country. Stephen Colbert doesn't even know English. Everything he does, we have to sound it out phonetically for him before he goes on. Stephen Colbert is a migrant worker. I thought you knew that."  On whether Colbert wanted the TDS hosting job,

"It wasn't as much sexual tension as it was sexual disappointment. Let's just put it this way: That wasn't our first time meeting... Oh wait, did you say the Spice Girls? I'm sorry, I thought you said the Village People."  On Jon's Posh Spice interview,

"They don't have to spend any money on Battlebots. And I'll tell ya why: Robots truly do hate each other, and they would fight whether the TV cameras were rolling or not. You have no idea! Even the appliances in my apartment are always staring at each other and talking shit. The other day I came in and caught the toaster oven givin' the coffee maker a little bit of the business, ya know what I mean. A little of the ol', 'Hey, what's up, drippy? Why don't you bring that shit over here?! I'll filter your shit! Come on, bitch!'"  On whether Comedy Central spends money on Battlebots,

"I'm not a piece of meat."  The Daily Show, Aug 1, 2002

"Tomorrow night at eleven, Richard Lewis will be here, at which time he will try to out-Jew me."  The Daily Show, Oct 15, 2002

"Thanks for applauding my potty mouth."  The Daily Show, Nov 18, 2002

"I believe that my voice incites copulation."  To Jon Favreau, on why home viewers fall asleep during The Daily Show, The Daily Show, April 3, 2002

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