July 1, 2002
The New Newsletter,
The New Newsletter
people often come up and ask me, "what will the JSIA newsletter be like
I usually reply right before calling the police, "how did you find out
where I live?"
The old JSEB newsletter
(for the benefit of you newer members) used to have a lot of submissions and
news in it. It was a means of maintaining a club atmosphere and reminding you
that you were part of an obsessive groups of wackos unnaturally overattached
to a man you've never met. And as much as I loved reminding you of that every
other week or so, I think it's not quite as important now.
Since the merger of
the JSEB and the SSS, it is no longer necessary to have the news in the newsletter.
And now that we have an active bulletin board, I feel it is no longer necessary
to send out submissions. I figure if you want to read these submission, you'll
go read them. And if you don't, you won't. But I do think there's a large group
of you in the mushy middle that would maybe read something if you could, but
you don't have the energy to go looking for it. So that's what the newsletter
is now for -- we'll guide you to the new stuff, the funny stuff, and the latest
Starting now, the newsletter
will feature site additions (as always) and only snippets of the latest stories
or additions. Shorter stories and poems might still make the newsletter in full,
but my goal is to keep this newsletter short and sweet. You'll still have to
read my writing, but since you've stuck with me this far, I can only assume
you've built up some kind of immunity anyway. Think of me as iocane powder.
So I hope you enjoy
the new format. If you have better ideas, let me know at [deleted invalid
address]. In the meantime, remember -- don't get involved in a land war
in Asia. And never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
() Janet's story on Jon's
recent show in Vegas:
[Jon] asked if anyone in the audience had cats. My husband said "Yes." Jon asked
the cat's name, and my hubby said "Regis." Jon said "Really, I'm going to have
to tell Regis!"
() Shelly's story on Jon's
appearance at the recent Toyota Comedy Festival:
Many very funny people were there ... Dave Attell, Lewis Black, Jim Bruer (who
did an excellent impression of Ozzy, but really could use a visit to the gym
and perhaps a little rehab ... ), Eddie Brill, Adam Ferrara, Greg Fitzsimmons,
Kevin Meany, Patrice O'Neal, Colin Quinn (who seemed a bit drunk, and was not
as funny as he can be), and, of course, and most importantly, JON!!!
() We've added the quotes
section. These are not new quotes, they're the old quotes from the SSS and JSEB
sites. We'll get around to adding new quotes later, but the classics are still
() The best stuff
on the JSIA Bulletin Board eventually gets moved to the site, but why wait?
If you're not on the board, join now! If privacy is a concern, you can hide
your e-mail address. You can set up the board so that it e-mails you whenever
anyone responds to certain threads, you can use your own sig, etc., etc. The
fun never stops!
must sign up for the board to understand the meaning of the following sentences
in our latest roundrobin fiction:
"I don't know, Jonny. I don't know. I sense fear in him. Fear leads to hatred
and hatred leads to the dark side."
-- "I will not cry, I am
not a woman," Maher said to himself as he took Mini-Kathie Lee and headed out
to his car.
-- "You mean to tell me
she only showed up to fix Kilborn's hair?!" Matt said. Lewis kicked him.
-- The trembled and looked
at the label. “What the hell is not desnatador of dairy?” he asked nobody in
individual. “Should be a paradox. As the service of the government, o…infotainment
-- "Jon, put Gansta Jesus
DOWN," shouted Lewis.