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 Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
    A n   u n o f f i c i a l   f a n   c l u b

We're fighting, apparently, with one of
Xena's web sites. It's a huge battle.

— Jon Stewart on the JSEB




July 1, 2002




The New Newsletter, by Annie
Savory Snippets


The New Newsletter
by Annie

"Annie," people often come up and ask me, "what will the JSIA newsletter be like now?"

"Random stranger," I usually reply right before calling the police, "how did you find out where I live?"

The old JSEB newsletter (for the benefit of you newer members) used to have a lot of submissions and news in it. It was a means of maintaining a club atmosphere and reminding you that you were part of an obsessive groups of wackos unnaturally overattached to a man you've never met. And as much as I loved reminding you of that every other week or so, I think it's not quite as important now.

Since the merger of the JSEB and the SSS, it is no longer necessary to have the news in the newsletter. And now that we have an active bulletin board, I feel it is no longer necessary to send out submissions. I figure if you want to read these submission, you'll go read them. And if you don't, you won't. But I do think there's a large group of you in the mushy middle that would maybe read something if you could, but you don't have the energy to go looking for it. So that's what the newsletter is now for -- we'll guide you to the new stuff, the funny stuff, and the latest happenings.

Starting now, the newsletter will feature site additions (as always) and only snippets of the latest stories or additions. Shorter stories and poems might still make the newsletter in full, but my goal is to keep this newsletter short and sweet. You'll still have to read my writing, but since you've stuck with me this far, I can only assume you've built up some kind of immunity anyway. Think of me as iocane powder.

So I hope you enjoy the new format. If you have better ideas, let me know at [deleted invalid address]. In the meantime, remember -- don't get involved in a land war in Asia. And never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Annie, President


Savory Snippets

() Janet's story on Jon's recent show in Vegas:
[Jon] asked if anyone in the audience had cats. My husband said "Yes." Jon asked the cat's name, and my hubby said "Regis." Jon said "Really, I'm going to have to tell Regis!"

() Shelly's story on Jon's appearance at the recent Toyota Comedy Festival:
Many very funny people were there ... Dave Attell, Lewis Black, Jim Bruer (who did an excellent impression of Ozzy, but really could use a visit to the gym and perhaps a little rehab ... ), Eddie Brill, Adam Ferrara, Greg Fitzsimmons, Kevin Meany, Patrice O'Neal, Colin Quinn (who seemed a bit drunk, and was not as funny as he can be), and, of course, and most importantly, JON!!!

() We've added the quotes section. These are not new quotes, they're the old quotes from the SSS and JSEB sites. We'll get around to adding new quotes later, but the classics are still good.

() The best stuff on the JSIA Bulletin Board eventually gets moved to the site, but why wait? If you're not on the board, join now! If privacy is a concern, you can hide your e-mail address. You can set up the board so that it e-mails you whenever anyone responds to certain threads, you can use your own sig, etc., etc. The fun never stops!

() You must sign up for the board to understand the meaning of the following sentences in our latest roundrobin fiction:

-- "I don't know, Jonny. I don't know. I sense fear in him. Fear leads to hatred and hatred leads to the dark side."

-- "I will not cry, I am not a woman," Maher said to himself as he took Mini-Kathie Lee and headed out to his car.

-- "You mean to tell me she only showed up to fix Kilborn's hair?!" Matt said. Lewis kicked him.

-- The trembled and looked at the label. “What the hell is not desnatador of dairy?” he asked nobody in individual. “Should be a paradox. As the service of the government, o…infotainment -"

-- "Jon, put Gansta Jesus DOWN," shouted Lewis.



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