February 19, 2002
Share your TDS taping
O Joneo, O Joneo!,
That Laugh Was Mine,
Jon Events (Lots!)
Hi. This is the JSEB.
You know, it's hard to forget how hard life is sometimes when we're sitting
in our comfy chairs in front of our glowing monitors, sipping hot cocoa. But
let's not forget about the less fortunate people out there who need our help.
There's a little
girl named Sharilyn who has tickets to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart in
April. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what to wear. She cries
every day from fear that the other audience members will make fun of her. Think
of this poor child for a moment, and put down your cocoa. You can help. For
just five cents a day or a simple e-mail to annieJS@earthlink.net, you can dry
the poor wet face of little Sharilyn.
Many of you have had
a chance to attend a TDS taping. The JSEB would like to start an archive of
your experiences and collect advice on the ticket-obtaining process, how to
get ready, when to go, how to get the best seat, whether there's a chance of
meeting Jon, whether they actually check your age, what the warm-up is like,
etc. Every little tidbit from the very short ("The theater is too cold")
to the very long ("It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
. . . ") to the very irrelevant ("Jon's hair is stickier in person")
would be great. Even stories about how you almost went but couldn't would be
fine. Anything. Everything.
The JSEB guarantees
that little Sharilyn will never bother you with stupid letters or insist on
sending you manipulative pictures of her angelic face. Please send all your
stories and advice to annieJS@earthlink.net, include a first name, and let her
know if you want your e-mail address posted or not. Thanks a bunch.
(Disclaimer: Sharilyn may or may not
be a child, and may or may not, in fact, be an adult with a job and everything.
She also may or may not be the webmaster of a lovely little new site called
The Jon Stewart Show Ultimate Guide -- http://www.geocities.com/jonstewartshow/
-- where you may or may not go next.)
O, Joneo, O Joneo! Wherefore art thou
A Tragic Tale of a Girl Who Will Probably Never Meet the Man She Admires
Where is my dearest Jon?
He shall be in LA as I look on.
A half a day away from where I stand.
Never the chance to touch his hand.
I'd have a better luck with a guy named Don.
My darling Jon, please come near.
Losing you is my greatest fear.
Come to me, my anchor, my love!
I will deliver you chocolates called Dove.
Or maybe just a nice case of beer.
I cannot go to you my precious pet.
I can only tune into you on my TV set.
Shall the day come when we will meet?
Even if our distance is fifty feet?
Probably not even if I were a New York Met.
My Romeo of modern comedy may never
I understand that's quite a blow.
We may never set foot on the same ground.
But I promise to love him year round.
My love for him he shall never know.
Chaney Shakespeare, Webmaster/Treasurer
That Laugh Was Mine
* The following story is totally, completely,
100% a figment of my imagination *
There he was. Jon Stewart . . . the
one, the only, Jon Stewart. He was beautiful, even more beautiful than I had
thought he would be. He sat with this air around him, this air of "I don't care."
This nonchalance that most people had to "affect" . . . he just had it. He sat
there, reading the newspaper, sipping on a hot drink he'd bought (I imagine
coffee or hot chocolate). I wondered what it was he was reading for a second,
but then I realized it didn't even matter. There he was, and he was beautiful.
And then there SHE was. Just the mere
sight of her made my nails dig into my hands. The knowledge that it was her
that got to kiss him at night. It was her that he smiled at. It was her that
he hugged. It was her that he made love to. It was her that got to hear him
. . . it was her! It was Tracey.
Why should she get all the glory?!
Why did she get to see him last each night and first each morning? Why did she
get the pleasure of seeing him smile that "only for you" smile that everyone
saves for the one they love? What
made her so special? Was it her hair? Cause mine's silkier. Was it her smile?
Cause I have one too, and I've been told it's quite a nice one. Was it her body?
Cause, mine's not too shabby, if I do say so myself. Was it her sense of humor?
Cause, mine is what I pride myself on.
And then she sat next to him and took
his paper. I saw the way his eyes twinkled at her as he yanked it back, making
a witty comeback that I couldn't quite catch. I saw how she looked at him until
he put down the paper and took her hands. They just held hands and smiled at
each other. The reason why he loved her was simple. She was her. That's all
the reason one ever needs to love anyone, isn't it? I loved him cause he was
him, didn't I? Or, at least, I loved him for the him that he was on my TV screen.
Maybe it was that hair . . . maybe it was that smile . . . maybe it was that
body . . . maybe it was something in particular that just drew him to her.
I had to smile to myself then, as he
returned to his sports page and she took to looking over the sales page for
Macy's. Jealousy can only get you so far anyway. I guess I'll just have to settle
for those two seconds in "Playing By Heart" that make me fantasize about what
it would be like to kiss him. I'll just have to settle for a half hour every
night, Monday through Thursday, on Comedy Central to see his beautiful face
and twinkling eyes. I guess I'll just have to settle for . . .
"Excuse me . . . ma'am?"
I blink and look to my left to see
him, Jon Stewart, looking at me, smiling that sweet smile of his. Like a genius,
I say something incredibly witty to that: "Heh?"
He points his finger to under my chair.
"Could you hand me my pen? I would get it myself, but frankly, it's in a place
that would require me to molest you, so . . . ." He shrugged in a way that always
made me giggle, and giggle I did.
"Sure," I said, bending down and grabbing
the pen that was lodged between my purse and my leg. Indeed, his grabbing the
pen would have required him putting at least one hand between my ankles. I rose
up triumphantly with the pen in my hand. He reached out but I closed my hand
around the pen.
He cocked his head to the side, laughing
slightly. "Um . . . my pen?"
I nodded. "Uh huh . . . ."
He looked at Tracey and then back at
me, holding out his hand. "Could I . . . uh . . . have it?"
I nodded. "As long as you do something
He laughed then. "It's a pen, for Christ
I bent down and opened my purse. I
grabbed my little notebook, flipped it open to a blank page, and handed him
the pen along with the notebook. "Could I please have your autograph?"
He laughed again and I relished the
fact that I made Jon Stewart laugh. That laugh was my laugh. It was for me.
I had solicited that laugh, and I had earned it for myself. No one else could
claim that laugh . . . no one else had even heard that laugh, but that part
was beside the point. That laugh was mine!
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Kelly, with a y... K-E-L-L-Y" I told
With a flourish he signed it as Tracey
threw away their trash as she prepared for their departure. He shut the book
closed and started to hand it to me. As I reached out for it, he yanked it back,
and I saw a mischievous twinkle in his eye that was meant for me. That was my
twinkle. It was for me. I had solicited that twinkle, and I had . . . okay,
okay, enough with the "my" bullcrap.
"But first . . ." he said.
I laughed, and he laughed again. "First
what?" I asked.
He held out his hand and I took it.
Shaking my hand he finally handed over my notebook. "Nice to meet you, Kelly."
I smiled up at him. "No, my pleasure,
Jon . . . er . . . Mr. Stewart . . . . "
"Jon . . . totally my pleasure."
Tracey came back then and looped her
arm through his, smiling at me. "Ready baby?" She asked quietly.
He nodded, pointing at me. "Tracey,
Kelly . . . Kelly, Tracey . . . She's apparently a fan of mine?"
Tracey smiled, and she really did have
a nice smile I had to admit. "Nice to meet you." She said, shaking my hand.
"See ya around!" he called over his
shoulder as he and Tracey walked out of the café, and probably out of
my life for good. I mean, what were the chances of me ever seeing the man of
my dreams in real life again?
I opened my book and smiled at my very
own personal Jon Stewart Signature:
"You Pen thief you! Damn you Kelly!!"
No, I forgive you. Good luck
in all your endeavors.
-- Jon Stewart
That autograph was mine . . . all mine
Kelly, Secretary of Jon's Quick-Witted
EASTERN. Not liable for emotional distress resulting from incorrect listings.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back will by available for sale on VHS and DVD on
February 26, 2002.
to Smoochy, with Jon playing a producer, is currently set to open in March 29.
Jon is an "honorable mention" in Esquire's The Best Dressed Men in America,
March 2002 issue. Jon is also mentioned in Ladies Home Journal (March 2002)
as a "sweet talker" in an article titled "Try a little tenderness." Thanks
21, Thurs, syndicated -- Rosie O'Donnell. Thanks to Steve.
<> Feb 26,
Tues, 11:35 pm, NBC -- The Tonight Show. Thanks to Sharilyn.
<> Feb 27,
Wed, 7 am, CBS -- Early Show. Thanks to Christina.
<> Feb 27,
Wed, 8 to 11 pm, CBS -- Jon will host the Grammys live.
1, Fri, 9:30 am Pacific -- TDS is scheduled for the William S. Paley Television
Festival in LA, which includes a screening and a panel with producers, stars,
etc. Jon may appear, but this is not confirmed. Buy tickets at (800) 225-2277.
For more info, call the hotline at (310) 786-1010. Tickets may now be sold out,
but there is a rumor that some are available on eBay. Thanks to Sharilyn.
Mar 9, Sat, 11:30 pm, NBC -- Jon is scheduled to host Saturday Night Live. Finally.
Thanks to Anna.
Mon to Thurs, 10 am, 7 pm, 11 pm, 1:30 am (same night) &
<> Fri at 10 am & 7 pm, Comedy Central -- The Daily Show with Jon
<> See the Late Night TV Page for guests at http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html#DS
Movies currently airing on premium cable:
<> Committed -- STARZ channels.
<> Office Party -- HBO channels.
<> Wishful Thinking -- Showtime channels.
contributed by Annie of the SSS unless otherwise noted.
Stewart Supremacist Site: http://home.earthlink.net/~jonstewart/
Join the SSS list for immediate updates and last-minute events.