Jon Stewart blue pic
 

 Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
    A n   u n o f f i c i a l   f a n   c l u b

We're fighting, apparently, with one of
Xena's web sites. It's a huge battle.

— Jon Stewart on the JSEB

 


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JSEB NEWSLETTER
November 28, 2001

===============

Contents:

I Know It's Your Birthday, by Annie-Wan
We Love You THIS MUCH, by The JSEB
Daily Encounters, by Nicole
Jon Events

===============

I Know It's Your Birthday
by Annie-Wan

A huge **HAPPY 39TH BIRTHDAY** to Jon! We at JSEB headquarters are mentally celebrating with virtual cake and virtual candles. Gathered around a virtual table, we hold each other's virtual hands and concentrate our virtual brain waves into a joyous beam of virtual happiness aimed in the general direction of Jon Stewart. As long as we're here all together, virtually speaking, we would like to say hello. I know you haven't heard from us as a group in a while, so please read the next section to find out about how much we love you. (Hint: THIS MUCH.)

Speaking of mental brainwaves, I got just a few responses to Karen's fictional dream story in the last newsletter. (By the way, please enjoy the article by our newest senator, Nicole.) At least one person thought that Jon probably eats pork because he does not seem devoutly Jewish. A few people thought that the dream couldn't really have happened. (It didn't, and I failed to make that clear. Sorry.) Another person thought that the story was quite good, but felt that Jon would react differently to praise -- that "When he's embarrassed by praise, rather than just looking embarrassed, he turns the conversation away with obscure digressions and pop-culture/Bea Arthur/esoteric-historical-figure references that make the other person either laugh too hard or get too confused to carry on seriously."

Well, after I get an e-mail from Elise, I realized that I had asked the wrong question. The question I *should* have asked is this: Have you ever dreamed a *real* dream about Jon Stewart? Tell us about it! Send an e-mail to annieJS@earthlink.net by December 7. I'm warning you -- if I don't get any responses, I'm reaching for my rhyming dictionary. There are at least fifty words that rhyme with Jon, so unless you want another set of Annie-Wan poetry, I would seriously consider contributing.

I'll help you get started:

Elise: I once dreamed Jon and I were having sex, and he stopped midway through and asked me to put on some deodorant. It took me a while to forgive him for that one, even though it *was* only a dream.

Annie-Wan: I once dreamed that *I* was Jon Stewart, and I was waxing my chest. (Ouch.) I think I dreamed this shortly after I read that he shaves his neck. Sexy!

May you dream of Jon. May those dreams be weird. May you share those dreams with us. May we point at you and laugh very hard. Much as you are doing to me and Elise right now.

Annie-Wan, President
annieJS@earthlink.net

===============

We Love You THIS MUCH
by The JSEB

Nikki, Webmaster/Dryer Lint Inspector:
Hi y'all. I'm sending my love from a secret government laboratory deep in outer space. As you can imagine, I've been a little too busy with my really super complicated scientific exploits to write anything I could submit to the newsletter, but I can assure you that I've been busy at work on the JSEB, trying to get Jon fans the proper representation they deserve on Neptune and Pluto. I hope to be back on Earth soon, however. Just between us: Space showers suck. Enjoy your water pressure!

Chaney, Webmaster/Treasurer of Insanity:
I AM NOT YOUR BROOM!
http://jonstewart.onlyhere.net

Krissy, Secretary of Odds and Ends:
Hola, hallo, and Salve! At this time, I would like to beg everyone's forgiveness for not being more prominent in the regular goings on of the JSEB. Unfortunately, Jon keeps me very busy. [Pause] What Honey? No, you can't come out to play right now! [Pause] Oh, I'm sorry, where was I? Right . . . he needs a lot of attention. Now, if you'll excuse me . . . .

Slave, Rower in Galley of Annie-Wan's Viking-Style Ship:
Send help! She's feeding us Styrofoam peanuts and our children are being held hostage! Tell my husband I lo -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Annie-Wan, President:
MU ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!
MU ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!
[Strokes Persian cat in evil manner]

The JSEB

================

Daily Encounters
by Nicole

I have this wall in my bedroom that I have at least thirty pictures of Jon glued on. I ran my house out of ink printing these pictures. I hug that wall everyday. And I watch The Daily Show too much. I have the TDS embedded into my brain instead of the vocabulary words I should be learning for class. I start seeing TDS people everywhere.

We had a career day at our school. (Career day is when teachers get away with not teaching for a day by choosing some adult with a "respectable" job to try to woo the students into their field.) Well, in my English glass there was a guy who created a company called "Socks Are Optional." Due to a problem with his feet, this fellow had to wear certain kinds of shoes. Then, one day, he decided to wear REGULAR shoes WITHOUT socks. Well he decided he liked it that way much better and hasn't worn socks since except to fancy things such as business meetings. Who did the guy remind me of? A fat Stephen Colbert!

On another day, I was shopping at the mall, minding my own business. As I was trying on shoes, I saw someone with short blonde hair in the aisle across from me. She looked EXACTLY like Nancy Walls. I had to look twice to make sure it wasn't her. (It wasn't.)

Unfortunately, the one person I want to see and never see is Jon Stewart. I think it's because there's no one else remotely like him out there. That is probably for the best. Otherwise, I might embarrass myself running through a crowd screaming "I LOVE YOU JON!" So I guess I'm stuck with seeing him only on TV. [Sniff]

I think this submission either proves my dedication to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show or it just proves that I'm crazy.

Nicole, Senator of Jon Stewart's Wardrobe Design
StaarGazzeer@aol.com

================

Jon Events

All times EASTERN. Not liable for emotional distress resulting from incorrect listings.

<> Nov 28, Wed, 8 pm (HBO Plus), 11 pm (HBO Plus Pacific) -- Larry Sanders: Another List.

<> Nov 28, Wed, 8:30 pm (HBO Plus) & 11:30 pm (HBO Plus Pacific) -- Larry Sanders: The Beginning of the End. Jon makes a short appearance.

<> Nov 30, Fri, 9 pm -- Jon is performing at Foxwoods Resorts Casino in Mashantucket, CT. Tickets are $27.50 and $38.50. Call 1-800-200-2882 or 860-312-3352 to order. Go to www.foxwoods.com for more information. Thanks to Seporah.

<> Jan 25, Fri, 8 pm -- Jon will be performing at the F.M. Kirby Center in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Call Ticketmaster at 570-693-4100. Tickets are $49.50 for Gold Circle (first 10 rows), $39.50, & $29.50. More ordering info at http://www.kirbycenter.org/box.html

<> Mon to Thurs, 10 am, 7 pm, 11 pm, 1:30 am (same night) &
<> Fri at 10 am & 7pm, Comedy Central -- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
<> See the Late Night TV Page for guests at http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html#DS

<> Movies currently airing on premium cable:
<> Barenaked in America - STARZ channels.
<> Big Daddy -- Cinemax channels.
<> Committed -- FLIX & STARZ channels.
<> Office Party -- Cinemax & HBO channels.
<> Playing By Heart -- STARZ channels.
<> Wishful Thinking -- Showtime channels.

All news contributed by Annie of the SSS unless otherwise noted.
Stewart Supremacist Site: http://home.earthlink.net/~jonstewart/
Join the SSS list for immediate updates and last-minute events.


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