November 28, 2001
I Know It's Your Birthday,
We Love You THIS MUCH, by The JSEB
Daily Encounters, by Nicole
I Know It's Your Birthday
A huge **HAPPY 39TH BIRTHDAY** to Jon!
We at JSEB headquarters are mentally celebrating with virtual cake and virtual
candles. Gathered around a virtual table, we hold each other's virtual hands
and concentrate our virtual brain waves into a joyous beam of virtual happiness
aimed in the general direction of Jon Stewart. As long as we're here all together,
virtually speaking, we would like to say hello. I know you haven't heard from
us as a group in a while, so please read the next section to find out about
how much we love you. (Hint: THIS MUCH.)
Speaking of mental brainwaves, I got
just a few responses to Karen's fictional dream story in the last newsletter.
(By the way, please enjoy the article by our newest senator, Nicole.) At least
one person thought that Jon probably eats pork because he does not seem devoutly
Jewish. A few people thought that the dream couldn't really have happened. (It
didn't, and I failed to make that clear. Sorry.) Another person thought that
the story was quite good, but felt that Jon would react differently to praise
-- that "When he's embarrassed by praise, rather than just looking embarrassed,
he turns the conversation away with obscure digressions and pop-culture/Bea
Arthur/esoteric-historical-figure references that make the other person either
laugh too hard or get too confused to carry on seriously."
Well, after I get an e-mail from Elise,
I realized that I had asked the wrong question. The question I *should* have
asked is this: Have you ever dreamed a *real* dream about Jon Stewart? Tell
us about it! Send an e-mail to annieJS@earthlink.net by December 7. I'm warning
you -- if I don't get any responses, I'm reaching for my rhyming dictionary.
There are at least fifty words that rhyme with Jon, so unless you want another
set of Annie-Wan poetry, I would seriously consider contributing.
I'll help you get started:
I once dreamed Jon and I were having sex, and he stopped midway through and
asked me to put on some deodorant. It took me a while to forgive him for that
one, even though it *was* only a dream.
Annie-Wan: I once dreamed that *I*
was Jon Stewart, and I was waxing my chest. (Ouch.) I think I dreamed this shortly
after I read that he shaves his neck. Sexy!
May you dream of Jon. May those dreams
be weird. May you share those dreams with us. May we point at you and laugh
very hard. Much as you are doing to me and Elise right now.
We Love You THIS MUCH
by The JSEB
Hi y'all. I'm sending my love from a secret government laboratory deep in outer
space. As you can imagine, I've been a little too busy with my really super
complicated scientific exploits to write anything I could submit to the newsletter,
but I can assure you that I've been busy at work on the JSEB, trying to get
Jon fans the proper representation they deserve on Neptune and Pluto. I hope
to be back on Earth soon, however. Just between us: Space showers suck. Enjoy
your water pressure!
I AM NOT YOUR BROOM!
of Odds and Ends:
Hola, hallo, and Salve! At this time, I would like to beg everyone's forgiveness
for not being more prominent in the regular goings on of the JSEB. Unfortunately,
Jon keeps me very busy. [Pause] What Honey? No, you can't come out to play right
now! [Pause] Oh, I'm sorry, where was I? Right . . . he needs a lot of attention.
Now, if you'll excuse me . . . .
Slave, Rower in Galley
of Annie-Wan's Viking-Style Ship:
Send help! She's feeding us Styrofoam peanuts and our children are being held
hostage! Tell my husband I lo -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
MU ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!
MU ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!
[Strokes Persian cat in evil manner]
I have this wall in my bedroom that
I have at least thirty pictures of Jon glued on. I ran my house out of ink printing
these pictures. I hug that wall everyday. And
I watch The Daily Show too much. I have the TDS embedded into my brain instead
of the vocabulary words I should be learning for class. I start seeing TDS people
We had a career day at our school.
(Career day is when teachers get away with not teaching for a day by choosing
some adult with a "respectable" job to try to woo the students into
their field.) Well, in my English glass there was a guy who created a company
called "Socks Are Optional." Due to a problem with his feet, this
fellow had to wear certain kinds of shoes. Then, one day, he decided to wear
REGULAR shoes WITHOUT socks. Well he decided he liked it that way much better
and hasn't worn socks since except to fancy things such as business meetings.
Who did the guy remind me of? A fat Stephen Colbert!
On another day, I was shopping at
the mall, minding my own business. As I was trying on shoes, I saw someone with
short blonde hair in the aisle across from me. She looked EXACTLY like Nancy
Walls. I had to look twice to make sure it wasn't her. (It wasn't.)
Unfortunately, the one person I want
to see and never see is Jon Stewart. I think it's because there's no one else
remotely like him out there. That is probably for the best. Otherwise, I might
embarrass myself running through a crowd screaming "I LOVE YOU JON!"
So I guess I'm stuck with seeing him only on TV. [Sniff]
I think this submission either proves
my dedication to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show or it just proves that I'm crazy.
Nicole, Senator of Jon Stewart's
All times EASTERN.
Not liable for emotional distress
resulting from incorrect listings.
28, Wed, 8 pm (HBO Plus), 11 pm (HBO Plus Pacific) -- Larry Sanders: Another
<> Nov 28,
Wed, 8:30 pm (HBO Plus) & 11:30 pm (HBO Plus Pacific) -- Larry Sanders: The
Beginning of the End. Jon makes a short appearance.
Nov 30, Fri, 9 pm -- Jon is performing at Foxwoods Resorts Casino in Mashantucket,
CT. Tickets are $27.50 and $38.50. Call 1-800-200-2882 or 860-312-3352 to order.
Go to www.foxwoods.com for more information. Thanks to Seporah.
Jan 25, Fri, 8 pm -- Jon will be performing at the F.M. Kirby Center in Wilkes-Barre,
Pennsylvania. Call Ticketmaster at 570-693-4100. Tickets are $49.50 for Gold
Circle (first 10 rows), $39.50, & $29.50. More ordering info at http://www.kirbycenter.org/box.html
Mon to Thurs, 10 am, 7 pm, 11 pm, 1:30 am (same night) &
<> Fri at 10 am & 7pm, Comedy Central -- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
<> See the Late Night TV Page for guests at http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html#DS
Movies currently airing on premium cable:
<> Barenaked in America - STARZ channels.
<> Big Daddy -- Cinemax channels.
<> Committed -- FLIX & STARZ channels.
<> Office Party -- Cinemax & HBO channels.
<> Playing By Heart -- STARZ channels.
<> Wishful Thinking -- Showtime channels.
contributed by Annie of the SSS unless otherwise noted.
Stewart Supremacist Site: http://home.earthlink.net/~jonstewart/
Join the SSS list for immediate updates and last-minute events.