Jon Stewart blue pic

 Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
    A n   u n o f f i c i a l   f a n   c l u b

We're fighting, apparently, with one of
Xena's web sites. It's a huge battle.

— Jon Stewart on the JSEB




July 24, 2001




Want Tapes?, by Annie-Wan
A Picture of Jon Is Worth a Thousand Words, by Chaney
A Dozen Words, by Annie-Wan
Jon Events


Want Tapes?
by Annie-Wan

The one question people ask me the most is, "Why don't you just have the dermatologist remove it?" The second question people ask me the most is, "How can I get a tape of Jon in ____?"

Well, friends, the JSEB has come to your rescue! Actually, more specifically, Nikki, our Webmaster/Dryer Lint Inspector, has come to your rescue. Nikki has a collection of great Jon material (including an unedited copy of Unleavened from HBO -- yes, that's right -- stop screaming), and she's got a hankerin' for some copyin'. Getting copies might entail some labor on your part (signing over corneas, sacrificing first-born children, revealing nuclear launch codes, etc.), but I guarantee that you will be a better person for it.

E-mail Nikki at for more info. Having dubbed some tapes myself, I know that it's a HUGE pain to do, so please remember to be patient and nice. (For more prompt service, pucker up and never, ever let go.)

Annie-Wan, President


A Picture of Jon Is Worth a Thousand Words
by Chaney

Have you heard the phrase, "A Picture is worth a thousand words"? I recently reorganized some pictures on my wall -- friends, family, and Jon Stewart. I found myself thinking of that phrase while looking at an autograph. It's a Jon picture from the early 90s. Jacket, white shirt, leaning against a tree. Most of you have probably seen it here.

Later that night while watching the local news that picture caught my eye again. I asked myself, "Could I find a thousand words from that photograph? I got out notebook and start writing. Here's a sample: "His beautiful eyes are the first thing I notice. Looking back at me, light, just so perfect it makes your heart melt. 'Swoon' was the word I came up with." [Editor's note: Chaney offered to hide under a rock after sending me this sample, but note that this IS an estrogen brigade, and swooning at the sight of Jon comes with the territory. My apologies to the straight guys and lesbians in the club.]

A little more than a half an hour later I couldn't think anymore, and The Daily Show was about to come on. So I took a marker and started counted the words per line -- then adding them together per page. Did I successfully find a thousand words? Unfortunately, if my calculations are correct, I got 573 words. Perhaps I'll try again with a new picture at another time.

Well, now here's your mission people! Find a picture of Jon on the JSEB site and see if you can get a thousand words from it. Go for it! Tell the newsletter what you think. Just hit the reply button and please provide a link to the picture you're describing. If you need inspiration, check out the pictures at

Chaney, Webmaster/Treasurer of Insanity


A Dozen Words
by Annie-Wan

Some people love Playing By Heart. Some people hate it. I love it. I laughed, I cried, I giggled, I belched.

Some people love Gillian Anderson. Some people hate her. I love her. My computer is named Dana. (Really.) But I don't love her when she's staring at Jon, 'cause dude, that is NOT cool. Bitch be stealing my man?

My dozen words (look at the picture as if you're watching a tennis match, starting with Jon):

Dreamy, DIE, loverly, DIE, smart, DIE, funny, DIE, charming, DIE, sexy, DIE.

Was that not just a little bit scary? Impeachment might be in order . . . .

Annie-Wan, President


Jon Events

All times Central. Not liable for emotional distress resulting from incorrect listings.

Jon has a cameo in a movie called Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. The movie will open in late August.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart has been nominated for two Emmys -- Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Series and Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program.

• July 27, Fri, 8 pm, &
July 31, Tues, 11 pm, MTV -- MTV Uncensored.

• July 28, Sat, 8:30 am, MTV -- TRL Uncensored.

• July 29, Sun, 8 pm, &
• July 31, Tues, 7 pm, ABC -- A week of Who Wants to be a Millionaire starts. Pop-Up Video version. Jon is in the first two shows. Rerun from winter.

July 30, Mon, 11:30 pm, MTV -- MTV's 20th Anniversary: 20 Most Outrageous Moments.

July 31, Tues, 4:30 pm, &
Aug 5, Sun, 12 pm, MTV -- MTV's 20th Anniversary: Laugh Track: 20 Years of Comedy.

Aug 1, Wed, 11:30 am & 5:30 pm, A&E -- NewsRadio: Twins. Very funny episode with guest star Jon.

Aug 3, Fri, 9:30 pm, Comedy Central -- Pulp Comics IV: Dave Attell's comedy special has a long and demented cameo by Jon.

• Sept 8, Sat -- Jon will be in Chicago for the Green Tie Ball at A. Finkl & Sons, 2011 N. Southport. Call 800-965-4827 or click here for more info. Comedy by Jon Stewart. Tickets are $350. Thanks to Tamara, Brigid, and Shalini.

Jan 25, Fri, 8 pm, EST - Jon will be performing at the F.M. Kirby Center in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Tickets go on sale Aug 6, Mon, at 10 a.m. EST. Call Ticketmaster at 570-693-4100. Tickets are $49.50 for Gold Circle (first 10 rows), $39.50, & $29.50. More info will be posted at a later date at the

• Mon to Thurs, 9 am, 6 pm, 10 pm, 12:30 am (same night) &
• Fri at 9 am & 6 pm, Comedy Central -- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
• See the Late Night TV Page for guests at

Movies currently airing on television:
• Big Daddy -- Cinemax channels.
• Office Party -- Cinemax & HBO channels.
• Playing By Heart -- STARZ channels.

All news contributed by Annie of the SSS unless otherwise noted.
Stewart Supremacist Site:
Join the SSS list for immediate updates and last-minute events.

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