[Image] **WELCOME TO ALL OF OUR NEW MEMBERS!!**

And indeed, we do have a lot.

This is the first week that the new format of the JSEB Newsletter is taking place. A quick Update sent right to your virtual doorstep, and now you have come to view the JSEB Newsletter in all of it's glory.

Now with now further delay,

Here is the Jon news for this week:


Dearest Members,

This is a heck of a lot of work to put together in a few days.  We even had a wave of 25 or so new members from the comment that was posted in , so this is their first "real" newsletter, and we hope you all enjoy it.  Also, send feedback to the staff.  Comment on the new articles, format, writing...  whatever.  If they spend hours a day working on this, they at least deserve some recognition.  I have no more to say this week, I've written myself out.

Oh, wait.  Keep volunteering!  We need help!

Stay Fabulous!

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Well, not really the movies... ON TV:

* Jon appeared on Dr. Katz last week, and that was classic. I love Dr. Katz anyway, but the addition of Jon (and those stories he told, ha!) made me laugh out loud. And you should know, I rarely laugh out loud at the TV; but I did, and I was quoting what he said all week. He even brought up a point for controversy which I must ask again to all of you: concerning Easter; what connection DOES Jesus have with the bunny? Did I miss something?


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Hi, I'm Girlfriend, and I've been asked to write your Jon Stewart advice column.  Since this is my first column, letters are slow, so expect more next week. If you have a question or problem, send it to me at DearGirlfriend@imneverwrong.com and I'll address your problems in the next newsletter.

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Dear Girlfriend,

        Ever since last Thursday when Jon said that if you turned your head sideways, you could see him naked, I've had horribly painful neck and back cramps from watching with my noggin turned away from the screen.  Is there any other less agonizing way to enjoy seeing Jonny is his birthday suit?  I really want to keep watching the Daily Show this way without having to see a Chiropractor.  Any suggestions?

                                                                                 Love,

                                                                                     Yearning for Nakie

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Dear Yearning,

           Sadly, there is no cure for your problem.  You must either give up the pleasures of seeing Jon naked, or move back in with your parents and spend your rent money on the doctor's bills.  You can also try neck massages and warm baths, or cut down on watching sideways to only one or two episodes a week.  If not, drop me a line and I'll give you the number for my doctor.

                                                                                         Best of Luck,

                                                                                            Girlfriend

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Dear Girlfriend,

          I know I should be happy for Jon in his engagement to long-time girlfriend Tracy, but for some reason I can't help but harbor deep hateful feeling towards her.  Is there anything I can do to ease the pain?

                                                                                    Please Help,

                                                                                       Jealous and Hateful      

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Dear Jealous,

        We're all upset that Jon has found himself the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.  It just doesn't seem fair that we didn't get a chance.  But nevertheless, we must hold our heads high and refrain from bashing his fiancee, because if we do, there is no chance of ever being recognised by Jon.  Not that we ever would, but we can dream, can't we?

                                                                                        Good Luck,

                                                                                                Girlfriend

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Well, that's all for this week.  Sorry it was so sad, but I didn't have much to work with.  Comments and questions can be sent to me at DearGirlfriend@imneverwrong.com.

~Girlfriend


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This one's too long.  Gotta read it here.


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Or "Make your own goddamn JSEB membership card!"  This week you can make a delightful JSEB card to carry around in your wallet, so you can prove to your friends you really do need mental help.
Materials:
  • Graphic supplied
  • Scissors
  • Contact paper
  • Thin cardboard or posterboard
  • Glue
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1.) Print out the above graphic.  You can save it by right-clicking on it and dragging your mouse down to "Save As."

2.) Cut out the graphic you printed on the dotted lines.  Cut a corresponding piece of cardboard or poster board.

3.) Glue the graphic to the cardboard.  Sign your card in the membership space.  Stick your hands under your armpits and squawk like a chicken...  Just kidding.

4.) Cut out two pieces of contact paper and press on either side of the card.  Squeeze out any extra bubbles.

5.) Place in your wallet and pull out at the grocery store to demand your 5% discount on muffins.  Enjoy!

Membership card made by me.  Instructions are mine too, not that any of you used them.  Feedback or any ideas for other "Crafting" articles can be sent to me at: KnkySalmon@aol.com

~Miss Rebecca


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Look! Something else new! I told you so.

This is a new section devoted to jump-starting some member interaction.

Many of you have asked to do something as a volunteer to the JSEB (which is very much appreciated) and as part of that, we have decided to bring out the "Featured Column of the Week". Write up a column (no special length - use your own judgment) and send it to jseb-newsletter@onelist.com (don't forget to use the dash!) and if for some reason that doesn't work, send it to Lanark1440@aol.com.

Back to business; all of the columns will be read and reviewed (and not just by me!) and the "best" one will be chosen (assuming of course that we receive more than one) but wait that's not all....oh no! There is more. If your column is truly a masterpiece, then it may become a regular column however often you feel like writing it. Now, for those that are not chosen any particular week, don't kick yourself...send it in again next week because who knows? It may be the only one we get.


      Every actor and actress has their own special style...

I ran out of web space.  To read this hillarious article, go here.  It's worth the trip. Jon's Fall Fashion Tips

Jon's Fall Fashion Tips...


This week, the Internet Site of the Week is given to an ALWAYS updated site, one that never fails those who visit it. It offers memory games (like the Correspondents Course) and also exclusive biographies of all of the contributors and correspondents, and even one special anchor......and will sometimes even let us chat with "the man" himself. No, it's not the "God Stuff" web page ..... It's the Daily Show web page!

The Daily Show

Congratulations! And even though we can't give the maintainers of this web site a discount at Red Lobster.....they can still know that we appreciate their work.


Name That Goldfish!

      Well, the name suggestions are in, and it's time for you, JSEB members, to vote for your fishie name.  To keep people from voting three or four times, we won't give you an easy to fill out form on the web page.  Instead, you'll have to e-mail me, KnkySalmon@aol.com with one of the given names.  Here are the finalists: (Finalists chosen by having been suggested by more than one person.)

~Miss Rebecca


COMMENTARIES:

Remember the Ala ..... Commentaries!!!!!

Any comments you have about this newsletter or about the fish whose name is undecided as of now, or about Jon Stewart/The Daily Show in general, or if you have an ache in your foot ... type it up and e-mail it to GillyPhile@aol.com, and it will be displayed in the next newsletter


The Daily Show With Jon Stewart:

I hope that most of you were able to catch the Comedy Central-hosted Jon Stewart chat, because I was not. Am I bitter over it? Yes. But you were all sent a transcript of it, which is also present at the Daily Show web page

And what a week it was! For the Daily Show at least. They celebrated their 3rd (or should I say, t-HER-d) Anniversary, and the resulting show was a classic. No "News for Kids" but that can be forgiven, especially since we got an amusing dose of t-hers-day. Even though it was a "clip show", it was a great one! Better than the Kilborn days, too if I may say so.

Also, (I hate to say) but nothing of interest in "Delete Me First" or the Daily Show Newsletter.

Oh yes, one more comment about the 3rd Anniversary episode; Congratulations to David Blog for wearing pants. wait! no that's not what I meant....congrats for winning Employee of the Year....plus the discount to Red Lobster. And also, how come that woman got Jon to sit in her lap? I don't think that Comedy Central can even fathom how much some people would pay to have Jon sit in their lap! That could be there next contest...I bet it would get a strong response....$$

Have any of you visited the site of Vance's band "The Cold"? It is hilarious! ...even though that it's not meant to be.....but seeing Vance so young with longer hair is funny to me. Also, all of the correspondents have smiled at least once...either sometime in an interview (fake or not) or when talking to Jon at the end. All of them ...except Vance. And I also want to know why Frank DeCaro didn't make an appearance at the Anniversary Special. I think that they should have had him look back at the year (or 6 months.....whatever) from the Box Office, but I guess they didn't have enough time. It should have been an hour .... Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the Anniversary Special in hour long format in the Kilborn days?

Until next time,

Thank you for your support of Jon Stewart and this Newsletter

Talk to you next week (hopefully with more appearance news)

~Allison

Vice President of the JSEB


Contact the current JSEB Newsletter staff:

Allison- Editor, writer, researcher.

Girlfriend- Advice columnist

Miss Rebecca- Writer, web arrangement & graphics.


Questions? Comments? Hear something interesting about Jon and want to share it with the rest of the members? E-mail Allison with the subject "JSEB" so I don't accidentally delete your mail.


Grammar mistakes and web graphic design complaints can be directed to me.