[Image] The member chat was held on t-HERS-day, and it was considered to be a success. Of course, the more the merrier, but we're getting better about it (right?). Try your hardest to come, but if you miss out, that's OK, you can rest assure that we will post the highlights of it somewhere in the Newsletter.

And what a great Newsletter we have for you this week!

Here is the most important Jon Stewart EB Newsletter .....ever:


Dearest Members,

Welcome to yet another addition of our newsletter.  On a personal note, my columns are little if any this week, seeing as how I'm caught up reupholstering furniture.

As Allison mentioned, the JSEB chat this week was quite a success!  I've collected some of the better moments of the chat and compiled them into a new column that will appear when we want it to.

So, if you would, please join us for this week's chat.  If you have AOL, we will meet in this chatroom:  Friends - Jon Stewart EB Chat  So stop by between 9-11 PM EST on Thursday, August 12th 1999.  It's a great way to meet other Jon fans, chat about your favorite episodes and this week we're even going to have a Daily Show trivia contest.  So study up!

Just for the record... Volunteer, damnit!

Stay Fabulous!

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IN THE MOVIES:

When I received this:

"Why the hell don't they tell me these things?!?"

Okay, so I'm watching some movies my mom rented (I'm 17 and cursed to

live at home) and I put in "The Faculty", some movie about aliens taking

over a school in a body-snatchers sort of way. So I'm staring at this movie

I have about zero interest in when SWEET JESUS! IS THAT JON STEWART?!?! Yes,

it seems as though our dearest Jon has a role in that movie as Mr.Furlong,

the incredibly sexy I'd-like-to-have-a-piece-of-that Chemistry teacher. What

a pleasant surprise! But it also brings up the topic of this column. Why the

hell didn't someone tell me he was in this movie?!?! I remember when they

were showing previews for it on TV and they didn't mention nor give you a

glimpse of Jon Stewart! God knows that would've convinced me right then and

there to go see it! I hope they know that mistake cost them a lotta viewers.

And what about when he was in "Half-Baked"? Nobody bothered to highlight the

great Jon Stewart's appearance in it! And thank God he had Adam Sandler on

the show talking about it or it would've sailed right over my head that he

was in "Big Daddy"! Dear God, what other nameless movies out there feature

Jon that I've missed?!?! Could somebody PLEASE fill me in on this next time?

Thank you, Laura

CrackWhora_Lora@jonstewartkicksass.znn.com

I figured that some of you have missed out on some of the toil that the JSEB has done on your behalf so that you no longer have to worry about missing Jon in a movie. For instance:

*BIG DADDY in theatres June 25, 1999

Yes, it's been awhile since I used to plague you every week about Jon being in Big Daddy. Is it still in theaters? I think so ... it did quite well in the Box Office ... despite the Box Office poison that is Jon Stewart.

(Don't send me hate mail! That was from the Daily Show!)

If you visit that link, you can get pictures, sound bytes, and exclusive Quick Time movie interview with Jon. And if any of you didn't read my review of Big Daddy, check the JSEBN archives.

* The Faculty is out on home video. Jon plays a teacher-turned-alein in this sci-fi flick. I WILL see that movie as soon as my friend buys it. Jon's character dies...but comes back to life at the end for what some call the funniest part of the whole movie.

* Look for Playing By Heart, another movie featuring Jon. It should be coming out for rental sometime this month.

*For a complete list of what movies Jon has been in, and what movies he will be appearing in in the future, visit out homepage and click the link "Biography" and scroll down until you get to "Films".

Well, not really the movies... ON TV:

(some new some old):

*Jon will present at the 1999 Emmy awards. Yes, yes, I KNOW that HE should get an Emmy, that the Daily Show deserves an Emmy, but at least he is presenting.

* I personally (as well as others I have talked to) am bursting to see "Unleavened" again. If you write into the TDSN, please add as PS pleading for "Unleavened" to be aired


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Hi, I'm Girlfriend, and I've been asked to write your Jon Stewart advice column.  Since this is my third column, letters are still slow, don't you people send feedback?  Come on!  Be creative!  If you have a question or problem, send it to me at DearGirlfriend@imneverwrong.com and I'll address your problems in the next newsletter.

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Dear Girlfriend,

Hi! I'm a new member of JSEB and I don't understand why you named the fish Smapdi. Could you please fill me in? I feel left out and I think us JSEB should be like a family and not have secrets about Jon and the fish. lol. How did we get the fish anyway? Oh, and the cherry pie recipe was perfect! One more thing, do you think that someday Jon will have the largest  following of females who think he's sexy, ever?

                                                                                         Thanx!

                                                                                             Emy :)

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Dear Emy,

Thank you for your questions, which will be the only topic I cover this week in my column. (Okay, that and because no one else sent anything in.)  

To answer your first question.  Smapdi's name is from one of Jon's "News For Kids" segments.  In it, Jon read a letter from a little boy named Smapdi.  Well, we think the name was Smapdi, because Jon was laughing so hard at the time it was difficult to decipher exactly what he was saying.

Smapdi came into place as the mascot of the JSEB for two reasons.  First, the President, Miss Rebecca, wanted a goldfish and decided he should have some involvment in the club.  Second,  Jon's loving treatment of the fish he gave to Max during Conan O'Brian just showed it was the perfect low-maintainence pet.

And no, Jon will not ever have the largest female fan base.  As much as we'd like this to happen, they're caught up with Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and all the other mundane actors that I'm sure smell pretty bad.

                                                                                         Thanks!

                                                                                              Girlfriend

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Well, that's all for this week.  Sorry it was so sad, but I didn't have much to work with.  Comments and questions can be sent to me at DearGirlfriend@imneverwrong.com.  You'd better send them or I'll turn this into a real advice column.  If that isn't scary, I don't know what is.

~Girlfriend


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Or "Make your own goddamn Daily Show paper packet!"  This week you can make a packet of paper just like Jon has at the beginning of the show, so you two can doodle during commercials.

Materials:

  • Blue paper

  • Paper clip                                                    

Last Week's Pie Photo

Directions:  Stack up about three pieces of the blue paper.  Ever so carefully slide the metal clip over the corner and repeatedly smack on table like Jon ever hour or so.

Special instructions came from me.  Instructions too, not that any of you used them.  Feedback or any ideas for other "Crafting" articles can be sent to me at: KnkySalmon@aol.com

~Miss Rebecca


Article of the Week!

Many of you have asked to do something as a volunteer to the JSEB (which is very much appreciated) and as part of that, we have decided to bring out the "Featured Column of the Week". Write up a column (no special length - use your own judgment) and send it to Lanark1440@aol.com.

Congratulations to: Mayuki@aol.com for winning the coveted spot of Featured Column of the Week.

"How I Fell In With that Stewart-Character"

Before I start in on this long winded tale of hormonal distress a few background notes:

1. I will buy anything with Cherry Poppin' Daddies

2. I have this unabated fetish for guys who dress nice

Okay.

It was about January I started haunting e-bay incessantly for this KROQ Christmas CD. It had a whole impressive list of great bands slandering the holiday. CompLete by me. I noticed, in passing, a name I found irresistible. No, not SANTA, Jon Stewart.

My first instinct was to say, "Oh, yeah, he's cool," although I was not entirely sure if I knew he was cool at the time. Whatever. i woI the CD off of ebay and was as gleeful as a cat in heat. (sorry) Looking at it I noticed the title of Jon's track and winced appropriately.

"A Very Hanson Christmas"?

This was gonna be interesting. From the get go, his voice hypnotized me and I pretty much didn't listen to the words, just the tone. I hit the repeat button. Then my ears focused in on the evil words...

"To whom it may concern,

Ho Ho Ho. Zach has herpes. Happy now?"

And I laughed until not only had I fallen out of bed, but I had fallen out of my house. Behind Jon's biting musings was a eerie bells rendition of that Bells song. For most the rest of the night, I listened to it.

Jon...playing a woman?! Gives a whole new meaning to the estrogen thing. He doesn't annoyingly change his vocal patterns (I might have blushed otherwise). He just left it to me to realize he is playing mama Hanson, and devishly well too. And after about listening to it for 43 times straight, I was utterly convinced.

He is funny. Damn funny. And if anyone said otherwise I'd have to hurt them.

He is deliriously sexy. Not your run of the mill male model "you want to sleep with me" sexy. Scary sexy (not to be confused with Scary Spice.) And this was all before I got a good hard look at that face. Added with the graying hair, I am reduced to well, an estrogen brigade one my very own.

Dammit, he can act! And personally, I think he would have made a perfect young Anakin Skywalker- who's with me!

With that voice too, especially in that recording, two words: Sean Connery. Um, not that Jon has a Scottish accent in it, although numerous Fat Bastard references would probably be made. Say, who else was jealous of Mike Myers when he came out and accosted Jon? I know I was. Wow, I started off this paragraph with a purpose. Whoops.

I feel like a cup of hot cocoa and snuggling in a big blanket and listening to Mr.Stewart discuss how the three angelic transies have forsaken him, their mother.

(Of course, it's August and I live in Las Vegas, I would burn up on impact.)

~Sherry

http://www.angelfire.com/nv/Snakiness/index.html


Highlights- Member Chat!

These are the clips and highlights of our chat.  Maybe they'll intice you to come by next time.  Remember, these are taken out of context, so keep an open mind.  Special thanks to Mayuki@aol.com, who ever so helpfully has given Jon the loving official nickname of the JSEB, "Sexy Ass Anchor."   I lost this part of the chat and was not able to save it, sorry.  SAA will now be recognised as an official JSEB acronym.  On to the show-

"IceTea1013: Boy, welcome to JSEB chat. Grab a piece of pie, and don't tap on Smapdi's tank."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Mayuki: does it mean you dont want his body?

FireStripe: whoa

Moronwalk: i don't think i want his body

Moronwalk: i think he is adorable

Moronwalk: and very funny

FireStripe: yup yup

IceTea1013: And his voice

Mayuki: <thud>

FireStripe: LOL

Mayuki: dont DO that without warning me

FireStripe: that was hilarious!!!!"

~~~~~~~

"IceTea1013: ::dances::

Moronwalk: dancing like mo?

IceTea1013: Damn straight

Mayuki: Stayin' ALiv Stayin' ALive!

Mayuki: Yeah.

FireStripe: haha"

~~~~~~~~~

"Mayuki: Jon with facial hair aint bad.

IceTea1013: That movie sucked! Jon was the only part worth watching.

FireStripe: hehe..nope!

Mayuki: actually ....Josh Harnett is hot

IceTea1013: I kept yelling at the damn kids to leave him alone.

FireStripe: i thought it was a good movie...i'll just go over in my little corner here..

Mayuki: Besides, you get to see him in water

Mayuki: no wonder the thing bit him.

FireStripe: wait..which was josh hartnett?

Moronwalk: i think the only jon movie i've seen is half baked

IceTea1013: the one who looked 25 when he was playing a teen.

IceTea1013: Oh wait, that was the entire cast.

FireStripe: uhm....which one?

Moronwalk: LOL

Mayuki: the tall one.

FireStripe: ohh..the taller one

IceTea1013: The thing about the movie that made me laugh the hardest...

IceTea1013: The cheerleader said she wanted to date the head football player to follow the sterotypes.

FireStripe: lol

IceTea1013: and the head cheerleader was also the editor of the school newspaper

Mayuki: yeah.

FireStripe: yea

Mayuki: and the jock football player doesnt show his ass.

Mayuki: whats up with that?"

~~~~~~~~~

That's all.  Okay, so they wern't that amusing, but I didn't succesfully save ALL of the chat.  Come next time and share your thoughts!

~MR


Drum roll please .....

This week's site goes out to: The Most Important Jon Stewart Web Page Ever

Congratulations to the owner of the site, SEL91180@aol.com, Sarah (one of our own members...and no, it is not a conspiracy...the JSEBers just have good web pages!)

It's a relatively new site, but a good one. Go visit it!


COMMENTARIES:

Remember the Ala ..... Commentaries!!!!!

Any comments you have about this newsletter or about the fish whose name is undecided as of now, or about Jon Stewart/The Daily Show in general, or if you have an ache in your foot ... type it up and e-mail it to GillyPhile@aol.com, and it will be displayed in the next newsletter.  

No comments this week.  What?  So you people will send stuff to Dave and not us?  How rude!


Haiku Contest!

I only received around 10 haikus.  Come on people!  Be creative!  As a reward, the winner of the contest will receive, in mint condition, the pictures and article about Jon from People magazine's 50 most beautiful issue.  Sorry, not the whole magazine, but the pages with the pictures.  So get in your haikus, because we're gonna keep this one going for another week.

That's right, the goldfish contest is over, and it's time for some good ole' fashion Haiku contest fun!   Send in your haiku about Jon or the DS!  All haikus will be placed on a web page where you can vote by clicking the nice dot next to them next week.  Here's an example Haiku:

The JSEB, (First line- 5 syllables.)

Largest Jon club on the net, (Second line- 7syllables.)

Whoo-hoo, we kick ass. (Third line- 5 syllables.)

My name is:
My email address:

My Haiku about Jon:


QUICKIE QUOTE:

I subscribe to the AOL newsgroups, where I have given the AOL Newsgroup "Keywords" to search for, and if there is ever any news on any of those keywords, then they will send me the article.

I recently received an article entitled "Entertainment Highlights in History". Surprisingly, ranked right up there with a Beatles hit that with straight to the top of the charts, and Woodstock, ect was ......

"And Jon Stewart was named host of Comedy Central's ``The Daily Show.'' "

Wow ... Jon and the Daily Show are better known than we (or I at least) first thought.

Not much from the TDSN this week, mostly just people complaining, and then more people telling them to stop complaining, then a new thing to complain about ......you know. But here are the highlights from the Daily Show itself:

* The BeBe Newurth (I have NO idea how to spell her name forgive me) interview was a good one.

* the "Blair Witch" farce with Vance was ESPECIALLY hilarious - very clever indeed

* The guy from "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" was an OK interview, and Jon talked a little bit about his role in the Faculty. Now, I love Jon, come on we all do, but I was watching the TV Guide channel and it had a clip advertising the Faculty. At the end it said "Starring Elijah Wood and Jon Stewart". Jon Stewart? I mean, his role was the funniest, but he was killed off in 5 mins then came back to life during the credits. His role wasn't a starring one - but oh well who cares? He deserves some recognition, and a little publicity never hurt anyone

* I tried dancing with MY cat and she didn't respond well......I guess I need to take a course on it and not just rely on what Stacey found out.

* "Champ" - it got a lot of backlash in the newsletter, but I found it mildly amusing. All that wood....."is it a tail?!" "no....just wood...." And I like how Steve always "takes offense" to whatever Jon says to him after the segment

* Mo Rocca is the funniest corespondent (he and Vance) mainly because of Mo's facial expressions! the Tarzan piece, I thought was quite funny, especially at the end where "Tarzan" and his wife are about to kiss and the tiger jumps and attacks them - perfect timing

* "News for Pure Evil" has made its second appearance, and I wouldn't mind it coming again.

* The Denis Leary interview was a good one - he is a pretty amusing guy.

* A "Hastily Thrown Together Editorial" was "tremendous". All the ladies know why

* Clinton's Angles ... classic

* The interview with (I can't remember his name!) that director was a very funny one - Jon's uncontrollably laughing at the nurse joke was priceless.

There is a Daily Show screensaver coming soon with pictures of Jon and all of the correspondents. Keep checking for it: The Daily Show

That's all for now

Talk to you next week,

~Allison

Vice President of the JSEB


Contact the current JSEB Newsletter staff:  (We're feeling chatty... mail us.)

Allison- Editor, writer, researcher.

Girlfriend- Advice columnist

Miss Rebecca- Writer, web arrangement & graphics.


Questions? Comments? Hear something interesting about Jon and want to share it with the rest of the members? E-mail Allison with the subject "JSEB" so I don't accidentally delete your mail.


Grammar mistakes and web graphic design complaints can be directed to me.