Close Encounters of the Jon Kind
 TDS Tapings

Name: Shelly C.
E-mail: dssjljcnt@yahoo.com
Age: 26
Location: New York City
Encounter date: November 28, 2001
Added: Posted on the JBB July 9, 2002

I sing, not professionally, but I (generally) sing well. I decided that I was going to go to TDS on Jon's birthday and sing to him. (It is sort of my schtick. I do it for all of my friends on their birthdays) And the plan would have worked better if I had successfully told the woman in charge what my plan was. She, instead, told everyone in the audience that it was Jon's birthday and when he came out and asked if there were any questions that everyone in the audience should raise their hands and scream, "Happy Birthday." When I went up to her after that, she said, "Oh, you should have told me before," which made me feel like a failure. I did, however, shortly before going into the studio, choke on a throat lozenge, which scratched my throat and didn't really help my singing (and I had a slight cold to begin with).

So when Jon came out (looking fabulous, per usual) everyone did that whole screaming thing, and he said some line about being old. He asked if there were any questions, so I raised my hand, he called on me (he spoke to me......) and I stood up and said, "I wanted to give you a special present." He sheepishly did his "I am a creepy old man type of stutter" and said, "Um, ma'am, they told me I can't do that type of thing anymore." To which I said, "Don't worry, I'm over 18" and then I burst into song. But he started freaking out while I was singing, and hid under the desk and said something like, "Doesn't it make you feel embarrassed when people sing to you?" But I am listening to him (because he is being funny) and my throat is hurting and I am distracted by him and I am convinced I suck and then to compensate, I go guttural. The only way I can make a comparison is to say that I went a little "Bette Middler." His response to this was (and I don't mean this to be offensive), "Oh my G-d, she swallowed a Black woman." I finished, he said thank you, I "think", and then said he hadn't sung in public since his haf-torah (part of Bar Mitzvah ceremony) and I, feeling like I did a terrible job (though my friend said it was great, but I think she was just trying to make me feel better) said, apparently neither had I.

And that was it. But hey, it was a ballsy move, and I am glad I did it. Even if I sort of sucked. I was hoping that if I had done a good job that he would either make mention of it at the top of the show or, in my unrealistic fantasy world, I would be the moment of Zen. I said it was a fantasy world, didn't I?

Added September 2, 2002.
Transcribed by Kelly.