Close Encounters of the Jon Kind

Name: Shelly C.
E-mail: dssjljcnt@yahoo.com
Location: New York City
Encounter date: October, 2002
Event: Improv 40-year anniversary festival, Diet Coke with Lemon's Do What Feels Good: Laugh!
Added: October 26, 2004

The most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

I caution ahead of time, this is a lot of build up, but may disappoint in the end. And it’s kind of long.

All day, thinking, wondering. I was thinking about everything under the sun, but certainly not about the test I was supposed to be studying for (and for which I should be studying right now). Again and again I played over the scenarios. But in the end, I knew it would never happen. Every time I had tried in the past (well, only twice) I had failed, and left feeling like but a shell of my former self. Ok, well, it was disappointing, at least.

But tonight, tonight I was determined. Tonight would be the night.

I arrived. Suddenly it was 8 and I nearly jumped for joy, even though I knew full-well that Jon would not be on for a while. Jim Gaffigan was very funny. Then came Richard Lewis, who honestly made me laugh so hard I actually got a severe headache (which I still have). As much as I loved Richard, I kept thinking, JON IS NEXT. Then Bud Friedman (the founder and owner of the Improv) said there would be a 20-minute break before the “Star” came out. Fast-forward 20 minutes. Hey, I can do that, it’s my encounter.

Jon comes out and I begin screaming at the top of my lungs. He looked fabulous. Sadly, I was in the 23rd row. Jon began by commenting that he was a whore for Diet Coke with Lemon (the sponsor), as he stood in front of a HUGE Diet Coke with Lemon sign. A bunch of people on the side tried to sneak up to the front row and then got stopped and escorted out. Jon commented that it was like immigration had just showed up. Or perhaps it was a terrorist cell that had been uncovered in the front row. But the important thing was that trying to sneak into the front was not at all distracting.

Ok, so let’s get down to business. Sadly, approximately 70% of the material was old-school Jon. Granted, I am a huge fan of old-school Jon, but it would have been nice to see more new material. The new material was obviously related to a lot of stuff currently in the news. This included Sadam, Bush, and the sniper. Yes, he did make a couple of jokes about the sniper, and they were funny. He said that you hear about the sniper and think about how terrible it is and then think, oh, it’s in Maryland. Then he mumbled that he was going there next week.

Old stuff: He told of his dog with short-term memory loss and a propensity for eating his own feces and vomit. He told of Jews in entertainment, Lewis Farrakhan, the Pope, the Million Man March and pot. Although not necessarily in that order or that combination. Either way, it was very funny, and he did a great job.

In the end, it was go time. I would succeed today where I had failed previously. My friend was taking her time and was on her cell, but I was like, dude, I gotta go. And thus, I went. And I waited. And then I waited some more. Lots of people were there waiting just like me. The crowd thinned a bit after a while. There were a lot of annoying people waiting, and I kept wishing they would go away so Jon and I could chat . . . not like that was going to happen, but a girl can dream. One of the annoying people who thought they knew everything about Jon started spewing inaccurate info about him, like that his real last name was Goldberg. I wanted to turn around and be like, YOU MORONS!!! But I held it in. There were two groups on either side of the door. A bunch of the TDS writers and such came out, which I assumed had to be a positive thing. And then I realized that Jon had a limo, which shouldn’t have really surprised me except that it just seemed sort of un-Jon-like. And not a little Lincoln Town Car. I am talking SERIOUS white stretch limo with one of those purple lights towards the top of the windows. The driver, wearing a hat, I might add, was waiting for him.

Finally, the guy at the stage door said, everyone to one side so Jon can come out. I realized my side was the mobile one, and thus I went over to the other side. I was very close to the front and had my book opened to the title page and my pen ready. I am not an autograph seeker, and in fact, although I have actually met a decent number of celebrities had never even considered asking any of them for an autograph. But this was JON STEWART!!! And then I heard his voice and an old woman (like 60, 70 years old) shoved me out of the way and got to Jon first. What the hell?

But then I saw him. I have never been that close to him, even in all of my past encounters. He was wearing an adorable baseball hat and had a HUGE amazing smile. I have a thing for smiles. It was one of those smiles where you just sort of melt and you know that if you ever think about the smile again, you will just start grinning. He was so gracious. He signed everyone’s stuff and took pictures with everyone who asked. It was so adorable. I was too embarrassed to ask for a picture (a rare thing for me--I am not exactly what you would call shy), but I just felt kind of weird about it. So instead, I took a picture of him getting his picture taken with a complete stranger. I know, I’m weird. I was so jealous of all the girls that got their pictures with him, though, because he leaned in right up next to them . . . he touched them. But he signed my book!!! I wish I had gotten to at least shake his hand, but I told him the show was great, and he said thank you and that is enough for me (for now).

The take home message: up close Jon Stewart is a seriously handsome man, with a beautiful smile, who really likes his fans.

Compiled by Melly.