Close Encounters of the Jon Kind
Name: Joyce J.
My brother and I went to
go try to get tickets to see Jon Stewart on SNL. Getting SNL tickets is very
hard though. You must wait in a standby line in hopes for leftover tickets based
on who didn't show up. So anyway, we arrived at 2 PM on Friday, and they hand
them out at 7 AM on Saturday ... that's 17 hours I think. Around 8 PM the cast
starts coming out. I met Conan O'Brien, Robert Smigel (he does the cartoons
on SNL, he's also a writer), Jimmy Fallon, Rachel Dratch, Jeff Richards (no
one knows who he is, but he's a cast member), Darrell Hammond, Maya Rudolph,
and Horatio Sanz. I saw Lorne Michaels, but didn't say anything. I was really
hoping to meet Jon, but by 1 AM we decided he wasn't coming out, and left for
food. He came out while we were gone. People said he was wicked nice, signed
autographs, took pictures, bonded with the fans, etc.
We decided we were going
to attend a dress rehearsal, which is different from the live show. I guess
I'll describe the skits that were cut. First of all, there was a sketch about
an NYU student (Jon) who was a film major, who was pitching an idea to a big
time movie executive (Rachel Dratch dressed as an old man) who is obsessed with
big boobs and Yasmin Bleeth. Jon was wearing a funny wig that made him look
younger. He was trying to be all artsy and dramatic. In response to all of this
Rachel would counter with things like "This is crap" and then talk about it
having sexy women in it. This sketch wasn't very funny, but they did break character,
which was funny. Jon started smiling, then Rachel cracked up, then so did Jon.
Another skit they cut is
where Jon is playing Chris Kattan's annoying, persistent manager. He had a cell
phone and completed all of Chris's sentences. It was very strange. It was funny,
though, because Chris was trying to fire him, and Jon kept completing his seemingly
normal sentences with ridiculous things. At one point he was like, "I can't
hear you, we're breaking up, I'm in a canyon," and that was funny because he
wasn't talking on the phone with him.
Another sketch Jon was in
that was cut was "Bono saves the World." This was humorous. Chris Kattan played
Bono from U2 and went around the world to really poor countries, sang two seconds
of his songs, then left. Jon played the lead guitarist.
Finally, the last Jon skit
is the "butt master," or something like that. In this sketch Horatio Sanz played
a salesman for an exercise machine, while Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, and Tina
Fey were on the exercise machines. Jon Stewart and Tracey Morgan came out to
tell the audience how the machine worked. So they got real close to each girl's
butt and talked about how it was "working." As you can tell, this sketch wasn't
that funny, but they did start laughing throughout it, which was amusing. I
guess you could say this one was kind of "stupid funny."
Those were all the Jon skits
that were cut, I believe. That's not all the Jon stories I have, though. Before
he introduced the musical guest, he was dancing/wiggling. It was adorable! He
looked like he was having fun, dancing around. Everyone laughed. He did that
for a few minutes. He is a very good dancer! Also, at the end of the show he
announced to everyone that he would "fuck up the live show" which he so didn't.
Anyway, seeing Jon perform
like that is indescribable, but I tried. That was one of the happiest days of
my life, and I wish you all could've been there too! I just wish I didn't leave
at the exact moment he was coming out! Meeting him would have been good, but
oh well. That's my story!
Compiled by Melly.