Jon Stewart blue pic

 Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
    A n   u n o f f i c i a l   f a n   c l u b

We're fighting, apparently, with one of
Xena's web sites. It's a huge battle.

— Jon Stewart on the JSEB




Who Am I? What Am I Doing Here?


(Note: This was originally published on the Stewart Supremacist Site. SSS archive viewable here.)

Welcome. This is my first real web page, so bear with me. Any errors, odd formatting, or stupid mistakes are my fault. Please feel free to point at the monitor and laugh. E-mail me to ridicule me on a more personal level and make suggestions in a superior tone.

Use the folowing e-mail as an example:

Dear Annie,

The doltish inelegance with which you chose your color/font/graphics combination is an unfortunate and lamentable paradigm for the type of ghastly web page design that has spread throughout the Internet like lichen since the decade began. Do us all a favor and stab yourself in the eye with the 300 watt electric blackhead remover I am sure you possess.

P.S. "Following" has two L's.

Do NOT send me e-mails like this:

annee, u suk an r to dum to no itt ..your ugly to. stupidd bich .

This page is light on graphics. I do not intend this page as a full repository of all things Stewart. There are several other great pages that already do that. I want only to put a few nice things up every now and then that no one else seems to have. This isn't so much because I don't want to do a comprehensive Jon page, it's just that I'm limited to 6MB here at Earthlink world and am not interested in getting a free site that will probably require popup ads. (Damn you, popup ads!)

Okay. So why this web page? Well for one, I am a very busy person who loves nothing more than having a project with which I can procrastinate. Eight deadlines coming up? No problem! I can work on my new Jon Stewart page! What can I say? It beats demildewing my bathtub.

So who am I? I am a relatively new Jon Stewart fan. This will probably disgust all the old, loyal fans out there who have watched Jon since he was on MTV, but let's keep in mind a few things. There will always be people who knew him longer than you. Go ahead, brag about how you saw the very first MTV show, or how you saw him when he was at the Bitter End. It doesn't matter. His mother knew him first. And you know those thousands upon thousands of little sperm that didn't get to fertilize the Jon Stewart egg? They all knew him before you. The butted him, for god's sakes.

I first noticed Jon, ironically enough, shortly after Paramount canceled his show. He was interviewed briefly at some award show (the Emmys, I think), and he said something about how he came to these things unlike other people (a sly reference to Letterman). I adore Letterman, and I laughed like mad. After that, I saw clips of him from time to time, and he was unfailingly hysterical. His Letterman appearances had me rolling. By the time his HBO special came out, I was ready and eager to watch what he could do.

It was a stunning hour of television. I never laughed so hard for so long while being amazed at the same time. I knew, then and there, that this was the finest standup that I had ever seen. He reminded me of the greats, but he also impressed me with his unique sensibilities and nuanced audience interaction. I guess different comedians do different things for different people -- Jon fit me like a puzzle piece. He crawled inside my head and pulled every laugh lever in there, including some I didn't know I had. I wasn't just entertained, I was moved. He was so astoundingly modern, yet so wonderfully old-fashioned. I haven't seen modern comics go to the trouble of developing such seamless segues between topics . . . well . . . ever.

From then on, I kept an eye out for him. I made sure to tune in whenever Jon hosted the Late Late Show. And when I heard that he was taking over The Daily Show -- that I would see him almost every night! -- I did a little dance (made a little love . . . sorry) and ordered all my friends to watch. When the news came out that ratings for the show had gone up, my only thought was "Duh. Was there ever any question? This isn't news; this is something we can safely assume."

So here I am, an overworked procrastinating little Korean, making this happy little page for my favorite little Jew. Enjoy.

July 1, 1999

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